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Dildos and don’ts
The Great British High Street is in decline. Not just an economic collapse, but a slide into full-blown moral degeneracy. You might have thought that Boots was a brand you could trust but, as this...
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Garden fall horse
The headline of the story below refers to a ‘garden fall horse’. To the uninitiated this might seem like three completely unrelated words thrown together into a nonsensical string of headline, but is...
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Gazette Faces, Vol. 10
It’s been a while, so it’s time to delve back into the world of facial redundancy that is the Gazette Face. Thanks to the procession of sods willing to stare vacantly into the lenses of local press...
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Speared by a farmer
We’ve all heard of farmers diversifying, but providing an unsolicited car scrapping service is going too far. No doubt the farmer will use the Tony Martin argument that this was somehow an act of self...
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Cycle of despair
For a nation of shopkeepers, the British sure know how to bugger up a business deal. The collapse of the Great British High Street. The untimely gold-flogging of Gordon Brown. The transfer dealings of...
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Blame it on the boogie
The Nether Regions is a blog which loves to dance. What we don’t love is the nagging feeling that maybe we aren’t very good at it. What we need is an objective analysis of our azonto; an external...
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Enormous Massive Egg
Bolton awoke to the news today that customers are literally flocking to a local shop to get a glimpse of a wonder egg that has sent shock waves across the world. Well, the hen and grocery worlds at...
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Whitby’s catch: Ant and Dec
Once again to Whitby, where there’s nothing quite like the visit of two smug Geordies off the telly to get the locals excited. Whitby Gazette, 10 January 2013 (story): Whitby goes celebrity spotting...
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Silly string attack on boy carrying owl
As a child I used to get harassed by teen ruffians in my provincial coastal hometown too, but it was only ever over my extraordinary bike stabilisers or extraordinary home haircuts. Never over anything...
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Stumbling from Cleethorpes and into a ‘grim internet world’
Question: What do you do in that moment of blind panic when your 12-year-old son stumbles upon the secret world of vice and illegality you thought was well hidden on the family computer? Options: (a)...
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LIAR: Wisbech’s brave streetfighting landlord
It is every testosterone-splattered man’s dream to feature in the news as a have-a-go-hero who uses just one hand to floor attacker after attacker in a vicious street attack and escape unscathed. The...
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“I’ll shoot all the squirrels”
In English law, the whole concept of law itself is redundant where defence of one’s property is concerned. Since Tony Martin, British public opinion – the only meaningful barometer of what is right and...
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The chicken curry with no chicken in it
Heard about the time the Worcester News took on retail giant Asda, and won? If not, then you’re clearly not reading the Worcester News enough. But first things first. Personally, if I bought an Asda...
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“It was like a scene from that Hitchcock film ‘The Birds’”
Back to Wisbech, where everything happens for a reason. Wisbech Standard, 7 March 2013 (story): Man describes witnessing pigeon fireball OVERHEAD cables touched under the weight of perched pigeons...
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The diners proceeded to try to eat around the phallus
A business dinner with ‘key members of a pharmaceutical company’ might not sound like a barrel of laughs, but you can always cling to the hope that the restaurant might serve you up a massive cock and...
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The great Louth Leader giveaway, vol. 5
The Nether Regions was there in the early days when the Louth Leader began wooing its Lincolnshire readership with a vast array of free gifts each week. Since then, the population of this utopian...
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The grass is always shorter on the other side
To the suburbs of Nottingham, where the residents refuse to let the grass grow under their feet. But concerned residents Bill and Sylvia Fenton’s lives have been turned upside down since finding...
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Gazette Faces, Vol. 11 + Gazette Faces: The Movie
It’s time for your face to lose all of its definition as you savour the latest catalogue of the Gazette Faced masses. At the end of this post we also have a special gift for you to celebrate the first...
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READERS POLL: Should the readers really be allowed an opinion on anything?
It can be very reckless to take too much notice of public opinion. The main danger is we’ll end up with petty criminals being hanged from lampposts outside our front doors, and that will only lead to...
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FFS: For fox sake
Sometimes the sanctity of local news is horribly soiled. All it takes is a quiet news day and a form of newsdesk desperation which means any old page-filler will do, regardless of how dubious its...
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