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Children left upset as pumpkins go missing
Are there any depths to which humanity will not sink? Isle of Man Examiner, 27 September 2013 (story): Children left upset as pumpkins go missing Children at Scoill Phurt le Moirrey have been left...
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Local Paper Twat #2: the angry HMV gift card redeemer
The Local Paper Twats march on, forever bypassing human decency and sensitivity in the name of making a crap point and getting themselves in the paper. Our latest Local Paper Twat thought nothing of...
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The Great Louth Leader Giveaway, vol. 6
The giveaways continue in the utopian market town of Louth, Lincolnshire. All you need to do is buy a copy of the Louth Leader each week and every material aspect of your life is sorted, forever. Food!...
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“This gull came whirling around me very close and was screaming in my face”
What do you call a man with a seagull on his head? No, it’s not Cliff anymore, it’s Brian. North West Evening Mail, 27 July 2013 (story): Savage seagulls hospitalised a pensioner during the latest in a...
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Gay marriage and duck world domination
The letters pages of local newspapers are renowned as bastions of logic and reason. However, perhaps things are going downhill a bit. And the Nether Regions Award for Least Original and Imaginative...
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Village hall cooker to be cleaned more often
It’s a sad day for democracy when you need a full meeting of the council to agree a motion for the village hall cleaner to fulfil their job description. Welwyn Hatfield Times, 8 January 2014 (story):...
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Gazette Faces, Vol. 12
Here’s your latest round-up of the facially comatose fodder adorning our regional newspapers. When the going gets tough, the tough get Gazette Faces. Chainsaw thieves put public in danger (Morcambe...
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Councillor has cow stolen
An udderly astonishing development in local government. Thanks to Kirsten Beacock for the story. Peterborough Telegraph, 14 January 2014 (story): Peterborough councillor has cow stolen Thieves have...
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Fingergeddon in Whitby
I’ve always thought there’s something a bit strange about Whitby but, until now, have never quite been able to put my finger on it. Whitby Gazette, 13 Janauary 2014: Beach searches taking place after...
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Drinker threatened man with Creme Egg
On the day that pinstripe-boned fuckwit Nigel Farage was egged in Nottingham by a protester, he should just count himself lucky he wasn’t anywhere near Cambridge and this confectionery-wielding eggy...
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